I have been working away, treading water. At work, at home, inside of myself.
I am tired of treading water. Sometimes I just want to stop and fall under the surface. Cry my eyes out. Run away. Give up. Go. But no... I have 2 girls to raise, I am their stability in life.
On goes the mask, I am strong, I put myself here, I can do it and treading water I continue.
Setting plans in motion. Sell house = Out of Debt. Debt = Weights on my ankles making it harder to tread water.... some times it seems so easy to let go, but no... I must persevere... see it out. A buyer will come, won't they? They have to come... I'm ready to move on.
I can see above the surface the apartment I will have. I can see the happiness of the girls having their own rooms. I can feel the relief of not having those weights on my feet. I can taste the freedom of being able to start fresh. I can feel the pride of having done it on my own.
But here I am... still treading water. Waiting for that day when I can get out and relax. Above the surface. Able to breathe. Up for Air.
Wanting to curl up and cry. Wanting to be held. Wanting to be comforted. Not needing sympathy... but needing loving support.
It's lonely. I'm scared. I don't want to fail. What if I can't do this on my own? But up I come again to break the surface. I musn't let others see this... I am super woman.
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1 comment:
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I could see the MJ of 30 years ago, with her two boys. And all I needed too was a hug. So, here is a huge energetic hug from me, with all my love. You are wonderful, you are brilliant, you are a quantum biological human! You WILL fly!
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